Thursday, March 24, 2005

Shake it, Shake it... Wait... WAIT - that ain't a healthy butt...

Last night I went up to the University of Texas at Dallas to play some racquetball. Maksim and another one of his Russian friends invited me to come along and teach them how to play. While I was watching Maksim and Sasha play I kept noticing how all of these girls were wearing clothes (or not wearing them) that emphasized their very best attributes - if you know what I mean.

I love to people watch and I like to make observations and I observed this Asian girl walking by with her shorts rolled up at the waist as far as they would possibly roll - she should have just done without the shorts and worn her panties because that was what she turned these shorts into - baggy panties. As she walked past I must admit I stole a glance at her backside - Hey, God made butts and he made me attracted to them so I am just checking to see what she is working with - nothing more.

To my suprise and disappointment God had chosen to bankrupt this girl in the butt department. When he spun the Wheel of Butt Fortune (Say it with me, WHEEL. OF. BUTT!) it passed up Juicy, Huge, Moderate, Bangin, Ghetto, and then landed on BANKRUPT! Bless her heart. BABY AIN'T GOT BACK!

I quickly ran over to her and said, "look here cutie, you are cute and all, but you can't wear your shorts like that, that look is reserved for girls with the healthy backside." With that said she looked shocked and horrified and she twisted her head around and noticed for the first time that she did indeed have NO BUTT - she realized she was a pirates dream - you know, "sunken booty".

Okay, that last part was a lie, I didn't say anything to her, but don't you think someone should have?


Ben said...

Without Question! (exclamation point.) People need to know these things. lol.

7:27 AM  
jes said...

Maybe she was trying to make up for her lack o' backside with ultra short, rolled-up, baggy-panty shorts.

7:50 AM  
Eddo said...

Maybe... but the baggy panty look has never been "in" - perhaps she was trying to start a new look -

7:52 AM  
jes said...

i bet she got it from Sex and the City. did you ever watch that? i watched a couple episodes, and happened to catch the one that ended with Sarah Jessica Parker wearing men's whitie-tidies. is that how you spell that? whatever.

anyways, she's so tiny. and they were so huge on her. and she was just walking around in this little shirt and these huge men's underwear. it was kind of weird, but she did it so confidentaly that even i wanted to go out and buy men's underwear to wear around the house.

i wonder what roger would think of that.

8:04 AM  
jes said...


oh my gosh. i can't not post this. i am too anal.

8:05 AM  
Ben said...

something wrong with talking about men's underwear and then following up with a comment that you are too anal... lol.

8:41 AM  
jes said...

ew! gross!

8:55 AM  
Ben said...


took the words right out of my mouth. LOL.

9:24 AM  
Eddo said...

Ya'll are both too funny...

10:08 AM  
Katie said...

This post makes my Top Ten list. The humor, the sarcasm, the inclusion of terms that will be stuck in my head forever (Wheel of Butt Fortune, WHEEL OF BUTT; sunken booty). Oh the pain of the ensuing laughter that is errupting.

Then the comments, they in themselves deserve an award.

On a whole I give this post two thumbs up, five stars, and big ol' baby got back props.

Jessica - I think the thing was she was most likely wearing someone else's underwear. So it is not what Roger would think of you wearing boy's panties (as I like to call them) but his panties. Which brings us to a question of how close do you have to be with someone to share thier underwear? Is that a level on the intimacy scale? And then you have the whole question of in what shape and cleanliness level they keep their underwear, or in case of guys how long they think their underwear can last.

Seriously boys, these things are made to be thrown away after a set amount of time. Holes, stains, and shot elastic in any form mean they need a quick trip to the trash can, not, I repeat, not a quick flip inside out and it's like they're a new pair. Someone needs to invent underwear with an expiration date for men so they will have this process defined and easy to accomplish. Or maybe that is one of the unspoken vows in marriage (love, honor, obey are all known but does anyone ever say I will discard of his nasty, dirty, stained underwear for the rest of our lives). That seems like it might be one of those intimate thoughts shared between a bride and groom when they look lovingly into each other's eyes and wisper over the unity candle. Unity = underwear. There you go.

11:22 AM  
jes said...


How close do you have to be with someone to share their underwear?

I will let you in on a little secret...don't freak out, because by asking that question, you knew this was coming:

Roger and I have shared underoos. Not for a long period of time, just long enough to show each other what we look like in each other's. We both agreed that he looks better in his, and that I look better in mine.

Mostly, because, he tried on one of my thongs, and it didn't quite fit, if you know what I mean. ;)

11:36 AM  
jes said...

did i just go too far on the TMI scale with that last comment?

aha! but do you think i care?!?

11:36 AM  
Katie said...

Oh there is no such thing as a scale with our little SOC group. The scale was pitched from the get-go. Just realize that I have now moved from a scary mental picture of Roger cookign green beans NEKED to in a THONG. I'm not sure if that is a step up or down. HMMMMMMM

11:42 AM  
Katie said...

and no I don't know what you mean could you give me a detailed description, with graphics GROSS, GROSS, GROSS, GROSS

11:51 AM  
Ben said...

Men in Minnesota wear plaid flannel boxers... at least I do... so they are never, "nasty, dirty, stained underwear" as Katie would say. You would be amazed how much plaid would cover up the stains. LOL. I don't even know Roger... but I would never. ever. (did I say never?) Put on Sydney's underwear... let alone a thong. Roger you are a more secure man than I am. LOL

12:05 PM  
jes said...

kt? you KNOW what i mean. men have a "package" that women don't, which therefore make them unable to wear women's thongs.

enough said.

12:31 PM  
Eddo said...

JES!!! I can't believe you felt the need to say that about the "PACKAGE!" OMW TOO FUNNY!!!


Katie - you did know that men have penis' and girls have vagina's right?

12:40 PM  
jes said...

EWW! GROSS! you said the "v" word. somehow, i can't get past my 5th grade health class and the overuse of that word.

now, i'm traumatized.

12:41 PM  
Eddo said...

Oh, and KT - thanks for the post praise ...

On a whole I give this post two thumbs up, five stars, and big ol' baby got back props. I have never gotten bgbp's before!!!

12:41 PM  
Eddo said...


12:43 PM  
jes said...

yes, and you are my leader.

12:52 PM  
Eddo said...

You are darn right I am!!! So funny that you brought that full circle!

12:57 PM  
Ben said...


You got any money?


1:14 PM  
jes said...

oh my gosh, i TOTALLY just banked. i walked into someone's office to drop something off, and they weren't in there, but they had this candy dish full of tootsie roll pops. so i took three.

except they aren't the big size, they are the size of dum dums.


1:28 PM  
Eddo said...


I have no money, when God spun my wheel of fortune it really did land on Bankrupt... But on a bonus round I did get to be tall and ridiculously good looking.


Did you steal? There is a difference between BANKING and STEALING... (insert one raised inquisitive eyebrow here...

1:39 PM  
jes said...

no, it wasn't stealing. it was banking. after all, it's not like i was rooting through her desk drawers!

the candy was in a dish. therefore, free.

you may now lower your eyebrow.

1:40 PM  
Ben said...

Might as well have dumped the whole "free" bowl in your pockets then... lol.

I agree with Eddie.... (Single raised eyebrow from me as well.)

1:48 PM  
jes said...

well, maybe i'll just go back and DO THAT!!

1:49 PM  
Eddo said...

BEN!!!! DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED - that was so funny - "free" I am not supposed to be laughing this hard at work...

1:52 PM  
Katie said...

I leave for one meeting and come back to CRAZINESS. Jessica, while I did not take anatomy in high school ro college I am familiar (in the theoretical sense) with the male body. (Side note: if this was in teh post I am scared what would have shown up in your google adsense search enginge). Two "p" words, a "v" thrown in and some tootsie rolls. Wow what a conversation. What if that was the title of my next blog but I didn't explain it who might guess the true meaning.

1:55 PM  
Eddo said...


"What if that was the title of my next blog but I didn't explain it who might guess the true meaning."

I DARE YOU- your mom and sisters and other family members would totally freak a beak if they read that!

1:56 PM  
jes said...

"freak a beak!"


kt, i so totally agree. i could easily survive in a large chat room where we all just talked all day long.

ahh, that's the life. ;)

2:05 PM  
Ben said...

Better make that: Two "P's" a "V" and STEALING tootsie rolls. (notice the plural form of the word roll.)

2:05 PM  
Ben said...

"freak a beak!"

Must be Texas slang?

2:07 PM  
Eddo said...

That is right - you can't get nothing by Ben - he has a double masters mind you - which is good, someone in this group needs to keep our grammar in check.

Freak A Beak - yeah - Texas Slang - That is what you get here at Posted Note - an expanded vocabulary and some new phrases you can use with Sid and those cute kids of yours - I found your photos link - adorable - no third ear on their foreheads thank heavens.

2:10 PM  
Ben said...

Double Masters only because I can't figure out what I want to do when I grow up. lol. (Also, I will add that working for a University and receiving free tuition was also a motivating factor.) I am finished with my MBA this summer... so I am not quite finished with the second... but I can taste it it's so close.

2:16 PM  
Melissa said...

Wow, guess that's what I get for actually doing some work today - 35 comments later, I don't know if I should laugh uncontrollably or be grossed out. I now know even more about Roger than I needed to know, and I can't even imagine how or why he would agree to put your panties on but I guess so. You two are both inquisitive people so somehow that doesn't surprise me 100% - lol....anyways, eddie, i wonder if you knew how your post would lead to such interesting commentary! ;)

2:18 PM  
Eddo said...

Of course you know what you want to do, you want to BLOG ALL FREAKING DAY AND GET PAID FOR IT LIKE I DO!!!! Oh, and Jes, and Katie, and half of the rest of the nation. I can't believe how this craze has caught on in the last year alone...

I am listening to some random MP3's I found at work on a music server or something... right now "You dropped a bomb on me" by the Gap Band just came on... I love random music when it's this good.

2:19 PM  
jes said...

ben, it's tootsie roll pops.

get it right!

2:22 PM  
Eddo said...

Mel- it is funny that you bring that up, because this morning I posted really early and I kept checking to see if anyone had commented and no one had until ben did this monrng at 9:27 and then Jes finally at almost 10 - I thought the post might be too offensive... but after all these comments I find that this group is really thick skinned...

2:22 PM  
Ben said...


"freak a beak!"

You're right.

STEALING Tootsie roll pops


2:28 PM  
Melissa said...

I think it takes A LOT to offend us :) I didn't find it offensive at all - just funny! Now Jes' comments - j/k ;)

2:29 PM  
Eddo said...

I cannot believe I am still here at work - I could have left at 3PM CST - but I have been having too much fun!

2:30 PM  
Ben said...

Hey Eddie! What-d'ya-know! We are in the same time zone. :)

2:32 PM  
Eddo said...

smartass... there you went and did it, brought out the PG-13 in me and on the Eve of Easter weekend...

2:34 PM  
Katie said...

Two master's, TWO master's. Wait a second here. You are getting an MBA and then what? Man now I have to give you my smart card as I only have a BBA in Marketing. I'm looking at getting my master's in American Studies at the University of Dallas but then I will only have one master's and you have two. So of course I'll have to get my PhD. so that I can get the smart card back. It's like settlers, I can't just match you but I must best you. Man now I have a lot of work to do to just catch up. You Minnasottians (spelled in the way I envision it, not paticularly in the way they thing is should be spelled).

2:36 PM  
Eddo said...

KT totally started speaking in "The Princess Bride" speak - she said, "I must best you"

Vincini: You'd like to think that wouldn't you?!? You've beaten my
giant which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the
poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I
can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also
bested my Spaniard, which means you must've studied--and in studying
you must've learned that man is mortal, so you would've put the poison
as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine
in front of me.

2:39 PM  
Ben said...

Cool! I get a card. Any victory points come with that? I finished my Masters in Education Administration/Leadership last summer. I am done after this, so you can have it back after you get your Phd. Hopefully the game isn't over by then... ;)

There I go, being a smartass to Eddie on Eddie's own blog... My bad.

2:42 PM  
jes said...

eddie. i cannot believe that you quoted that from memory. did you actually look it up? it's okay to admit it to us.

i mean, afterall, i am admitting to taking FREE candy. :)

kt, if you wanted to speed things up, you could always pay a few hundred for an online degree.

i heard that recently a cat got it's masters for $400. if a cat can get one, certainly you can. not only that, but it's economical, too.

here, kitty kitty!

2:43 PM  
Heather said...

OMW!!! I just ready Eddo's post...quite amusing I might say! And then, to read ALL these comments. I am laughing out loud! One of my roommates even came into my room to see what was going on!

You guys crack me up!

2:55 PM  
Ben said...

The comments stalled at 49... here's one more just to get you over the mile mark of 50 comments on one entry. We are all crazy... this proves that you ARE the leader of the crazy world.

2:56 PM  
jes said...

eddie, i'm so happy for you! you have reached more than 50 comments!

i know this is probably very exciting. it's like that one time i got up to 25. my life has never been the same since.

it's also the reason i comment so often on my own site. i like to see double digits in my comment section.


2:59 PM  
jes said...

As Eddo's secretary, I have been asked to relay the following message on his behalf, because he's a slacker and can't do it for himself...

Oops, did I just say that about my boss? ;)

"I have left for the day... Please do not knock on my door. If you do, you will appear on my "annoyed" list.

"I also forgot to say goodbye. It's because I was so elated by my most recent accomplishment. 50+ comments yeah!!!! You guys made my day!!! Especially my secretary, Jes, who is the most wonderful person on the planet. I wish every female could be as fantastic as she is. She cooks meatballs that are delicious, it is a delight for me to design her websites, and i love hanging out with her and Roger.

"Thank you, Jessica, for your involvement in my life and for your incredible secretarial skills at relaying my messages exactly as I dictate them.

"Oh, and happy easter!!!"

Eddie Renz

3:14 PM  
jes said...

um, eddie? i just used your last name.

no! no, people! it's a fake last name that I just made up. but his real last name rhymes with Renz.

can you guess what it is?

3:15 PM  
Ben said...

My guess is: Ummm... Renz?


3:25 PM  
Faith in Florida said...

Oh man, ROFL. That was great. I say, if you wanna flaunt it (or lack of it) get ready for some random guy to write a post about your *stuff*.

12:19 PM  
Katie said...

This is what I get for leaving each day at 4:30 the craziness happens after I'm gone. EDDIE - I LOVE THE PRINCESS BRIDE and could be your backup reciter on that movie (a person who fills in when the real reciter is sick or hoarse or whatever). I once read the entire movie script at work when I was really bored and then I was quoting if for days on end.

12:42 PM  
jes said...

katie, the understudy movie quoter: you read the entire script at work? WHAT???

12:54 PM  
Katie said...

back when i worked at UNT. I was the student assistant to the executive assistant for the associate dean of education. The Ex. asst. moved so I became the Ex. Asst. to the Assoc. Dean of Ed. at the ripe age of 20 and I sat in her office for two or three months until there was a replacement. So one day I read the script when the Dean and Assoc. Dean were gone and there was nothing for me to do. I read fast by the way so it didn't take me that long. And side note: As I read it I was doing all the different voices in my head. That makes me creative right, not weird but creative.

1:07 PM  
Eddo said...

What are you two doing? You should be outside enjoying this great weather... I am at Starbucks looking like one of those stuck up people with a laptop... work pays for the internet access so I feel like I need to use it!!!

1:08 PM  
Katie said...

I'm outta here as I type.

1:17 PM  
Anonymous said...

eddie, i had to WORK today. til 3. THAT is what i was "doing."

1:25 AM  
SquareSlant said...

For one day it would be enlightening if everybody said what they were really thinking - too many times I have wanted to say - DID YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR BEFORE YOU LEFT HOME? - no doubt - people think the same about me.

1:27 PM  
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10:24 PM  

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