Thursday, March 31, 2005


Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George is seen naked by Jerry's Girlfriend. He tries to quickly explain that he just got out of the pool and "It was cold!" If you click on the title to this post you will see that there is a T-Shirt - A T-SHIRT - with the phrase "There was Shrinkage!" on it. So I figure if someone will wear it on a shirt, then I can talk about it on my website.

Ladies, those of you who are married probably already know this, but men's genitalia will withdraw whenver it is cold outside or whenever it is confronted with a scary situation, that situtation being a doctor who is sitting eye level to your privates (I love saying privates, it's so first grade) and he snaps on those latex gloves and says, "Well, lets take a look".

So there I am with my "Merry Christmas" hanging out and without so much as a bow for privacy and the doctor starts literally shaking and inspecting my package. Not only is he shaking it, but he is squeezing the heck out of my Jingle Bells even though they are clearly marked FRAGILE - HANDLE. WITH. CARE. It was painful an I almost vomited on him, but like the unwrapping of gifts, it was all over in a matter of minutes. THANK. YOU. JESUS.

I have no idea what man in his right mind would choose this as a profession, they must be crazy. Then the Doc wanted to make small talk and I'm sitting there feeling violated and I just don't want to be around him anymore. I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to curl up with an ice pack and a blanket.

The Verdict

I may have an infection, my left testicle is swollen, I have to have a sonogram done to make sure all is well and I am taking antibiotics for 10 days.

I think it is going to be alright, the doctor didn't seem too alarmed about anything, he didn't mention the word Cancer, or anything that ended in "-ectomy" and so I think I am good.


jes said...

it is REQUIRED that i send this to Roger. OH. MY. WORD. EDDIE. i don't know if it's funny or TMI. LOL!

8:47 AM  
Eddo said...

Oh, it is probably TMI, but hey, when you think of Posted Note, think of TMI!

8:56 AM  
Ben said...

LOL. Testicles can get an infection? Hmmmm...

I got really sick about 3 years ago... some type of flu and my glands got really swollen including my balls... Yes folks the were clacking around in my sack like a couple of bocce balls... however, with this being said, this was the result of glands all over my body becoming sore... but one Testi (pronounced testee - for Katie) becoming infected... hmmm... that's weird dude.

PS- thankfully there was shrinkage... if there were enlargement... that's when you need to seek psychiatric help... to get to the bottom of this (hopefully) involuntary action.


8:57 AM  
Ben said...

Okay... that might need some censoring...


8:58 AM  
Eddo said...


"Clacking around like Bocce balls!" I hope my mother doesn't take the time to read this post!!! LOL!~

9:01 AM  
Amanda Sue said...

no stirrups? no paper napkin-dress? no inserting of fingers and various equipment into your area?

i don't think this was a true genital exam. i would pay anything to have someone jingle my bells once a year instead of the rigamarole that is gynecology.

10:18 AM  
Katie said...

First I want to say that I tried in vain to be the first to comment about this but stupid STUPID blogger would only give me an error message. STUPID BLOGGER.

That being said, I am glad that Eddie seems to have no "personal" issues and that this "infection" may soon clear up.

There is a sense of over-sharing going on with this post and the subsequent comments. I am shocked, amused, and feel like i need a shower, or at least a quick swipe with an anti-bacterial wipe or something. Eddie was at least speaking in somewhat medical terms and then Ben had to jump into the deep end head first and give me mental pictures that will forever haunt my pure and virginal dreams. I'm scared that someone will think I'm visitng an "adult" site by the content of this.

Also wondering why John Kerry showed up on your google adsense when you are talking about shrinking testicles? Did I miss something in teh campaign?

11:23 AM  
Eddo said...

Amanda - I have no idea how you girls do it, but I do know that when it comes to sticking your legs in stirrups, ya'll seem to deal with it MUCH better than we men do - girls can at least have full on conversations in the bathroom - whenever there is exposed male genitalia in any room where other guys are present - such as the locker room or the bathroom, then conversation is not permitted - a slight nod of the head, or a possible hello is okay, but there is no banter, no mention of the latest TV reality show, and no eye contact if at all possible.

12:51 PM  
SquareSlant said...

You guys crack me up!

Eddi - glad that it is just an infection! But unlike Amanda I was not disappointed that the doctor did not give you finger - LOL. Now you have something to look foward too!

1:41 PM  
Amanda Sue said...

i am glad for you, eddie, that the testicular prodding was not that bad.

(did you flinch at the word "prodding?" did you think of a cattle prod or long skewer in your nether-region?)

2:40 PM  
jes said...

i don't know about eddo, but that's exactly what I thought of when i read that word.

3:19 PM  
Eddo said...

yes, it is what I thought of too and I ran to the bathroom so I could vomit.

6:12 AM  
Molicious said...

You poor poor baby. This is the exact reason why I can't get my husband to go to the doctor's office.

6:50 AM  
Molicious said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:55 AM  

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